Authenticity vs The World

If you don’t think this is a true story, think again.

This is a story about Harry, the Heart, who was true and noble, but weary. Weary from a world that did not value and reward honesty, kindness, and authenticity. So one day Harry packed up a bag and decided to go out, seeking a fortune. Harry knew that to acquire this fortune, he would have to commit sins, robbery. He would be charmed by demons that would want to eat him alive. He was going to be accosted by silver-tongued and evil beings that would befriend him. If he met these silver-tongued and evil beings and gave them from his purse of honesty, kindness, and authenticity, they would take him for everything he had, and call the police on him if he tried to take his virtues back. On the other hand, if Harry met these silver-tongued and evil beings where they were at–as a silver-tongued and evil being himself–then they would like him, feel he was a brother, and take him in.

So true and noble Harry took the bus out of his little farm town in Iowa, where his forebearers laid down roots with the work of their hands, and he went to the big city. The morning was crisp when he arrived at the bus station. As he descended on the platform, he marveled at the towering buildings jutting like mountains into the clear blue sky and next thing he knew, some screaming banshee missing front teeth and wearing sewer rags swung a bag that hit him on the shoulder and he had to fight her off and run away from her.

Harry emerged onto the street and immediately he felt a cold blow of air punch his body. He had to dodge foot traffic that flew by him like speeding cars, seemingly flowing like a school of fish, except for him, who ran into everybody, and got yelled at by a Man in a Sharp Tailored Suit, with a smart watch, polished leather shoes, and a shiny haircut that could have bought children school lunch for a month. Maniacal people crawled up to Harry at every street corner and asked him for money. He gave what he could, which only brought more of them to him. Then had nothing more to give them, but they kept coming like flies to a picnic, and in shame he turned away from them, until he found the street his friend lived on.

Harry’s friend lived in a dump with a spare fold out couch in a tiny living room. Harry’s friend was Andrea, the Adrenal Gland, and when Harry arrived she was busy making fake passports at her little kitchen table that was next to the fold out couch, because the kitchen, bathroom, and living room were all one. Harry was appalled to find Andrea forging passports. But she explained you gotta do what you gotta do to get by, and if he helped her she would give him a cut. But Harry was still noble and true, and not desperate enough yet, so he said no.

He was going out to give the city hope. Hope that the street banshees and the crawling indigents could be lifted up out of the gutter, and that the Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit would help them too. So Harry went out and got a job at a clinic that helped people get off the street and into a bed to sober up and get on their feet. At first Harry was kind with these people, but his kindness gave them space to lie and smuggle dope into their rooms, and get high, and violent, threatening their peers in the kitchen with knives, and Harry had to drag one such person out into the street and leave them there, where they promptly scrambled off to cause havoc.

Harry would walk home at the end of the day, sometimes with a cut or a bruise, and pass by the Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit, who was always laughing, sometimes with a bombshell model in makeup and furs, always a different one.

One day Harry was leaving and saw this Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit waiting alone and went up to him. “Excuse me,” said Harry, “May I ask what you do?” The Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit loved to talk about what he did, but obviously thought Harry wouldn’t get it, so he replied, “Numbers Figures CRM Graphs Liquidation Valuation Collateral Bonds High Interest Loans Investment Corporation.” And then, right then and there, a Man in a Pinstripe Suit came up to the Man in the Crisp Tailored Suit and said, “Chuck, great pitch today. Our partners want to give you the $20 Million for 13% stake at 6% interest, don’t worry about paying it back, it doesn’t really matter.” Chuck had already completely forgotten about Harry and the two men in suits got into an Uber Black XL Deluxe, where models were waiting inside for them already.

Then the Banshee from the bus station tugged on Harry’s jacket and said, “Please sir, I don’t have a dime to eat. I worked for 20 years in a children’s hospital and couldn’t pay my rent so I started stealing opiates to sell on the street. Opiates they legally sell to kids with cancer. And they fired me and put me in prison. Please sir, help me out.” But Harry had nothing to give so he left her there.

Harry went home where Andrea–who mopped floors and cleaned toilets when she wasn’t making fake passports–looked sick and was lying on the couch. Her grandmother had just died but she didn’t have the money to go home for the funeral. Harry asked how much she needed. $500 for the flight, and another $500 for the time off of work. Harry asked what he could do. “Finish the batch of passports,” she said. That would get her the $Thousand she needed to go. So Harry worked all night finishing the passports and then overslept in the morning and missed several hours of his shift at the clinic. Harry’s boss, who was a woman in her 50’s with a knee brace and a cane, who had been punched in the eye that morning while Harry was sleeping, let him go right there–she was in a terribly foul mood–and Harry was out on the street with the banshees and the crawling indigents.

Harry needed to come up with a plan fast. True and Noble Harry the Heart, who valued Honesty, Kindness, and Authenticity, saw Chuck, the Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit, waiting for his car, went up to him and said, “Chuck, Harry Hearst, from Tailored Partners and Sons. You know my associate in the Pinstripe Suit…” “Marty?” Chuck asked. “Yes, Marty. Listen, excuse my dress. I was investigated by the Feds recently and they seized all my assets. I’m trying to get back on my feet and I have a deal for you.” Chuck was nodding his head. The Uber Black XL Deluxe pulled up and Chuck said, “Well, why don’t you get in. Tell me about it on the way.” The models this time were Cindy and Samantha. They asked Harry why he was dressed funny. Harry got bashful and started to explain he had been investigated by the Feds. Chuck cut in and said, “Just tell them to shut up. We’re doing business.” Then to them he said, “Shop for Balenciaga until we’re done.”

“So, what’s up?” Chuck wanted to know. Harry explained he had a partner that manufactured passports, but paper was slow and digitizing the database was the future and you know how the government is: loaded with money to spend but mired in the bureaucracy. So Harry’s plan was to sell digitization services to the US Government and all he needed was $1 Million, just to get on his feet and start making moves. Chuck said, “$1 Million isn’t that much. Why don’t you take $5M, but I’m going to ask for a steep cut.” Harry agreed and they shook on it. Then they turned to Cindy and Samantha. Harry began to ask them about themselves, but Chuck said, “Just wave a diamond in their face. They don’t give a shit.”

Harry bought himself a suit and moved out from Andrea’s place. Andrea’s boss didn’t let her take the time off, so she just went to the funeral anyway, and got fired. But Harry said she could live at his new loft apartment and make passports there. He needed her operation now. Harry the Heart, still True and Noble, was trying to make good on his deal with Chuck, the Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit. But Harry had to scale up the production of fake passports, to include in his database. So Harry went out into the street and pulled the banshees and the crawling indigents off the sidewalk and gave them jobs making passports. But crazy as they were, they came in high on meth, stole passports to sell on the streets, spray painted graffiti all over the walls, carved tags in all the desks and surfaces, and once one stabbed another in the foot with a fork. It was mayhem.

Andrea couldn’t take it anymore and she blew up at Harry and walked out with her passport business. But Harry had learned the game at this point and, scared at what would happen if he didn’t honor his deal with Chuck, usurped all the passport business from Andrea, who now couldn’t get work making passports, and soon found herself on the street. Harry also turned out all the banshees and indigents because they were too unreliable and were causing a shit show in his loft apartment.

Meanwhile Harry was going broke giving Chuck his cut, so he just stopped paying the interest on the investment. Next thing Harry knew, Chuck called a meeting with Harry at his high rise office. Harry considered whether to go or skip town, but he decided to be honest and confront the matter head on, and come clean, hoping for the grace and forgiveness of Chuck, the Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit.

Harry arrived at the building downtown. A monstrous tower in the air, imposing, intimidating, erect, hard as a rock, ready to cum all over the world. As Harry rode the glass elevator upward floor after floor, he started to get cold feet, and at the last minute as the door opened and Harry walked out onto an opulent marble floor with a two story fountain of a mermaid, torso flung back in ecstasy as she squirted water in a high arc from her genital papilla (aka fish vagina), Harry had a change of heart and as he shook Chuck the Man in the Sharp Tailored Suit’s hand, he told him that the digitization deal with the government did not go through, and Chuck laughed and said “Doesn’t matter. I’ve got great news. You know how Marty and I organized a weekend on Marty’s private island in the Bahamas for potential investors in our sex robot AI tech? Well, they loved it. We raised a half a billion dollars, and we want you to lead our data collection team, you know, in case we need to leverage any intel on our clients, if you catch my drift.” Harry was absolutely stunned. Then Chuck said, “And I bought a brand new limo. We’re going to ride around in it. You coming?” Harry and Chuck went down on the street. The banshees and the crawling indigents were creeping about. Among them, as Harry stepped into the car, he saw Andrea, suffering, sores on her face, and thought to himself, “Goddamn this is a fucked up world,” as some random bitch put a glass of champagne in his hand, and closed the limo door.